ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
