we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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