every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
