Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize
