Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
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Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
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lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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