We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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