ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
