she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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