so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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