are you so shy because you have an std?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
