I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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