the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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