i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
