Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
My bed smells like the plague
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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