Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
the raccoons are back...
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