I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
