I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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