i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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