Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
