I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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