careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
