did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
