the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
false alarm, still single
Randomize
