Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
