I skipped work to stalk him.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
