This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I should be sponsored by Trojan
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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