I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
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