it's too hot outside to masturbate.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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