Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
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