she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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