took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
