he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
