Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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