How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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