just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
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i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
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You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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