i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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