sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
they call him Oral-B. enough said
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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