I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
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