my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
why do cheetos always look like penises
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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