"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
