I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Randomize
