nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
