mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
