she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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