I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
