where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
How does it feel to date your dad?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
