I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
My vagina just clenched in fear
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
