rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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