Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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