great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
it glows. i had to have it.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
