my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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