I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
