Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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