Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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