great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Randomize
