Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
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