i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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