Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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