I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
