guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
A+ Viking dick
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
