I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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