this beer tastes like vomit already
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
