Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
