Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
so let's talk penis.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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