Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
