Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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