I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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