What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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