I want to have your abortion
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
