And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
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