The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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