if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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