don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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