they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
apparently the secret to your success is patron
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
