He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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