i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
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We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
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Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.