these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.