Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
splinters make it hard to masturbate
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
