So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
Cake is only good when you eat it
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?