I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.