So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
