sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
