A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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