Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
