She tied me up with her honor cords...
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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