He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
