I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
