Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize