Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
