HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
