If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
