When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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