I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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